The Spiritual Ego Trap

Hello Zalah Fam, 

it’s been red a hot minute since I wrote my last blog post and I’ve really missed it. I felt a massive pull to authentically express myself again and write more publicly as journaling has always been a passion that has helped me to keep my mind clear and a sense of purpose high. This letter aligned perfectly with tonight's New Moon in Capricorn.  

The last three years since the birth of Zalah felt like living so many different lives and shifting through many timelines. At the beginning I was really excited about everything I was learning - through crystals, my spiritual journey, people I’ve connected with and plant medicine. Some of you on a similar path of crystals and self exploration may resonate with that feeling of excitement that sometimes tricks us to the feeling of enlightenment. 

I used to have a bit of a hard time understanding why somebody wouldn’t like crystals or wouldn’t want to work on themselves and their old patterns, which became a lot clearer further into my journey. Those who have been following Zalah for a while probably remember me sharing a lot of my personal experience not just with crystals but also my personal healing and things I was going through. It all felt very new to me at the time and having the support of Zalah’s family meant the world to me while I kept peeling off my onion layers. For the first time ever I felt like someone’s actually holding space for me and helping me to get through my past trauma.  

Those days I was also eager to give advice to many people around me, at times without their consent, but certainly out of love and even though I would have hated to admit it at the time, there was a larger sense of spiritual ego I developed. You know that state when you think you probably know something better than the majority of folks around you and it feels easier to fix someone than to fix yourself. 

A few potent plant medicine ventures later, I started recognising the presence of the spiritual ego and the warrior identity I had created for myself was so hard to maintain. I felt so fragile deep within but so scared to be seen that way as I thought the society would perceive me as weak. I was also asked to find unity over separation between those on the path and those who are not, because what is my path may not be someone else’s path at all. And that’s totally OK. 

 

 

I chose to withdraw from sharing my personal journey through Zalah as shortly after I exited my “pseudo enlightenment” state, I transitioned into some heavy shadow work that showed me quite the opposite and keeps going until the very moment, but I'm a lot more at peace with it now. At times I thought I am nobody to tell people anything about spirituality and felt guilty for sharing my advice because I had a fear of being received as a fixer. It was my own shadow presenting itself in front of me. 

While working through this shadow, a little loss of confidence and gaining a lot more acceptance for different perspectives, I realised that talking about healing didn’t feel aligned for me at the time and I turned inwards to work through some really deep stuff. Zalah then became its own entity, with its own personality and there was not much information I shared about my personal journey anymore. 

Entering the Age of Aquarius, something big shifted within me. A gap that was longing to be filled, a purpose that wanted to be deepened. I felt I was ready again! Ready to open up, to approach sharing my personal journey from a place  of vulnerability, innocence, love and equality of all that is and all that will be. It took me years to learn how to properly hold space for not just others, but mainly myself and be able to be seen as the fragile and powerful one at once.  

I feel very called to start sharing more of my personal perspectives again, as I've been shown many times just how powerful vulnerability can be and how far the ripple effect continues. Writing this letter to you, my dear community, feels so right for me and I feel so motivated to surrender and flow with the fresh energy of 2021. Lastly, I would love to thank you for always holding space for me regardless of which archetype decides to emerge and I am so appreciative of the safe space we've together created here. 

 

Blessings to you all, 

Eva

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