I've recently gone through an experience of shooting a beautiful empowering project for my dear friend Claire from Indie Rose Rituals focusing around sensuality, intentional touch and finding pleasure in my body. Some feelings were brought to my attention as a reminder of my journey of finding freedom and peace in my body, but also to reveal what's still anchored deep inside of my psyche.
I journaled a lot that day to create a safe container for my thoughts, insecurities and feelings so that I'm able to put this message out there for all beings that need to hear this right. Most of these words are in their very raw explicit form straight from my personal journal:
When I was about 12 years old, I started feeling into what movement and dance means to be and what feels right. During that period I used to regularly visit my auntie's house for summer holidays, and one of the times will always be remembered.
One day I was leaning on the table and I remember moving my hips from side to side and just humming a song, when my aunt yelled at me that I should never ever move this way again. Me, young girl, being quite shocked about what I could have possibly done wrong, I was left speechless. She continued and said: "You're dancing like the ladies from the side of the road", she was referring to the sex workers standing along the freeway. The bottom line of this experience is that I was deeply hurt, confused and shamed for my movement expression.
Fast forward 15 years, I am standing here now. After lots of reprogramming and releasing this conditioning from not just my aunt, but most of the women in my family who were similarly shamed and probably compared to sex workers too, I still carry parts of that shame when I shoot with my skin exposed and upon sharing movement videos in my online presence.
While rewatching some of my videos from the shoot day, there were a few different narratives going on. The one from my brain was thinking of myself as a slut and referring to myself as "Who the hell do I think I am to be dancing around in lingerie, swirling around" and the one from my heart was "You go girl! You're an embodied woman".
I am so tired of this brain narrative. I am so tired of the fear of being perceived as cheap and exposed. And I'm certainly so tired of holding back in my playfulness, sexiness, wildness and rawness not to trigger my shadow or others. I see so much vulnerability and power in the ability to reveal my femininity.
I feel the weight that I no longer choose to carry, because this is how we get liberated. Not just as women, but as a whole. And this is the message I wanted to bring today. Release judgement of yourself and others based on physical expression - whether clothed or fully bare, serious or playful. It is often shadow projection, sexualisation and leaky behaviour (from males and females) that's causing women to shrink themselves.
This is to all the women out there or those who identify as such, who were shamed, judged, laughed at, called names in the past - I feel you, I see you and I hear you. But the only one who can unchain you from this prison of your own mind is yourself. Being a step closer to the state of embodiment and confidence is liberating.
A big shoutout to this Byron Bay based brand Indie Rose for allowing me to remind myself of my power, to create magick for them and for providing such yummy gold infused body products that alchemise with the frequency of the skin.